Thursday, April 12, 2012

I Need a New Bestie

Well, Eric's interview yesterday went well.  He'll have another one at a different store with a different manager sometime next week.  There are two available positions, one that he is qualified for (the other is bilingual: he's not), and 6 applicants.  It seems that he's the most experienced, so we're keeping our fingers crossed.  I feel a little less weight on my shoulders.

A couple of weeks ago his friend and new girlfriend moved into our apartment complex.  It's awesome that they are here, and I love hanging out with them.  I also love it when Eric goes over to their place by himself.  I haven't had this much time with the computer in months!!  The thing is... he's really trying to push me to be better friends with the girlfriend, Lexi.  I like her just fine and she seems like a sweet girl but...  I don't know.  I haven't had many close girl friends since we left college.  I lost contact with my roommate.  I lost contact with one of my high school best friends, and the other one is just at such a different place in her life that we really don't have anything in common anymore.  When we lived in Florida I had just started finally hanging out with a few girls from work.  I had been work buddies with them for years, but we'd finally actually all got to go out.  I even started having play dates with one of them.  Our kids didn't get along too great but we did lol!  And of course, just a few months later, we packed up and moved back to Pennsylvania. 

I don't think Eric understands how difficult it is for me, breaking into a friendship with people.  He grew up in this area, he's got tons of friends that he went to high school with.  He knows their girlfriends and brothers and sisters.  They have a history.  They *know* each other.  I'm the odd one out. 

I try to tell him that just because he and TJ are best buds doesn't mean Lexi and I will be.  And, again, I have no problems or issues with her, and I love hanging out with them, but there's no bond.  That takes time.  And she's got her own bestie!  I want an equal relationship lol.  I want my friends to feel the same way about me as I do about them.  Does that make any sense?

I just don't want to fake it.  And I don't want to settle.  I've had some really fantastic girl friends in my past and I crave that type of relationship again.  I just have to find the time to make my *own* friends.  I don't like being set up.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012


Eric just left for a job interview.  We really need for this to land.  He's been out of a job for six months now and the only reason we haven't been evicted yet is because our tax returns took care of all that we owed and our landlord was very patient with us.  If Eric doesn't start work soon though, we'll just sink right back down.

I don't want to be poor anymore!  I don't want to have to triage the laundry because we can't afford to do all of it.  I don't want our phone to be out of service until my next paycheck.  I don't want to have to tell my kids "No," because we don't have the cash for the ice cream truck, or a carnival game, or whatever.  I know that there are plenty of free things to do in the spring and summer time, and we do enjoy those.  Sometimes those little extras, that dollar or two, make such a big difference though. 

We don't need much to skate by.  We do get food stamps, and I am very grateful for that, but what I'm bringing home a month wouldn't cover rent even if we didn't have to worry about electric, doing laundry in coin-op machines, detergent, body wash, shampoo, diapers, toilet paper, cleaning supplies, etc etc etc.  Plus, we are still paying $250/month for a car that doesn't work!  Just having enough, every month, to pay all of our bills and restock the things we need would be great.  I can't remember what it was like not to have to worry about those things.  If there wasn't any extra I think I could deal with it as long as there was *enough*.

So I'm hoping.  I hope Eric doesn't get caught in the rain walking from the bus stop to the place and end up looking like a wet dog.  I hope his interview goes well.  I hope if he gets this job he'll be able to start quickly.  And I hope we'll be able to start climbing out of this hole.

So if anyone would like to send some prayers, positive vibes, good juju, or whatever in our direction, we'd appreciate it!  We just really need to get our feet in the right direction here, so we can work our way back up.

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Science Project: Week 1

I was surprised last week when I opened up Matt's folder and found a science fair packet.  It's voluntary, but every student in the school is encouraged to participate.  I spent some time using to search from some kindergarten friendly projects and found one that I liked.

We are growing 12 Alyssum plants.  Three of them will be watered regularly, three of them will get milk, three will get soda, and three will get orange juice.  Matt has guessed that the plants that get soda will grow the biggest and the plants that get water will grow the least.  *I* am pretty sure that the plants that get water will grow the biggest, and that the ones that get orange juice will grow the least, if they sprout at all.  This isn't my science project though, it's his.  So we will be monitoring growth weekly and I'll be taking pictures.  We planted the seeds in very moist soil on Sunday so we've only needed to "water" them once so far, and they began to sprout yesterday.  The experiment is underway!

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Six & Two

Both of my boys recently celebrated their birthdays!  Lucas turned two on March 25th and Matt turned six yesterday (April 2nd).  Early in March I started planning their party.  I wanted to do something different.  In the past we've had small parties at our house, but with Matt being in school I knew he'd want to invite some friends from class, so I was looking for something where I wouldn't have to entertain and clean up after everyone.

My first thought was Chuck E. Cheese's.  The problem with there is that I HATE Chuck E. Cheese.  He's creepy.  So I looked online for something to do and found BounceU.  I fell in love with it immediately!  So I made reservations and started planning.  I decided to book the smallest party, for up to 10 children since this was our first time and, to be honest, we couldn't afford a party for more than that.

I invited enough kids for the party, but because of pettiness, spite, and plain ole' not giving a damn, on the day of the party we had my two boys and one girl from Matt's class coming.  Oh, I ranted!  My Facebook status was:

 "You know, my kids are important, too. And today is THEIR birthday party. So if everyone could please put aside their petty bullshit for the sake of THE KIDS it would be greatly appreciated.
Apparently, that's too much to ask for. And apparently, if you can't just send your kid downstairs, or to the next building over, if you have to actually make an ounce of effort to take them somewhere 15 minutes away, then it's too much trouble to be bothered with. THANKS EVERYONE"

Maybe it was a little much.  Maybe it was just enough.  I was in Mama Bear mode and I needed to roar a little.

Luke, Samantha, & Matt
Of course, the kids had a great time at the party anyway!  All of the adults also bounced and everyone had lots of fun.  I am still upset that I ended up paying so much money for so few kids, especially when things are still suffocatingly tight for us right now.  At the time I made the reservations I had certain expectations that weren't satisfied, but it was too late to cancel; Matt was already so excited and you know what, my kids deserve a great birthday and they had one despite all of the adult drama!

I would really love to have their birthday at BounceU again next year.  Hopefully we'll be able to afford a larger party and invite his whole class.  That way even if half the kids can't make it, there will be plenty of them there.  We had such a great time with the three of them that I know more would be a blast! Here are some more photos of the party: enjoy!

One side of the cake had 6 candles for matt, the other had 2 for Luke