Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Dirty Laundry

Ok, I just need to get some things off of my chest here.  This is family drama.
My cousin A and I are only 9 months apart.  Her mom and mine share a birthDAY although they are two years apart themselves.  Out of my mom and her 4 siblings, I think that she and A’s mom have the closest relationship.  We also have that close relationship.  A is like a sister to me.  In every way.  We love and fight equally.  In a lot of ways I feel like I’ve been competing with A my whole life.  She’s the pretty one, the athletic one, the popular one.  The one who got away with things I would be grounded for thinking about.  She learned how to tie her shoes before I did.  I think that started the whole thing.

I dropped out of college and had a baby.  She stayed in and eventually became a police officer.  We lived (for a time) in a shitty trailer and she had a nice apartment and car. She got her hands into all kinds of businesses: Avon, some website selling green cleaning products, and a whole mess of things I don’t remember.  When she worked at them, she did so with passion, and she usually made a profit.  I never had much luck with that kind of thing.  She went out and partied and had fun while I was home with my baby or working my butt off to keep a roof over our heads.   I often forgot what I had when I compared myself to her.

Her perfect life began unraveling when she found out she was pregnant.  She had been casually dating someone for a while, but I guess while he was away a friend of hers came over one night.  She wasn’t sure who the father was at first, but she thought it might have NOT been the one she was dating.  It wasn’t.  And that turned out to be a good thing for her, at first.  The guy she was dating wanted nothing to do with her or the pregnancy when he found out.  We were all supportive of her.  Whatever she wanted to do, we’d stand behind her.  She chose to have the baby.  Honestly, out of everyone in my family, she’d make the best single mom.

Turns out, she didn’t have to be a single mom.  Her guy friend was ready and willing to step up to the challenge and have a real relationship with her.  He has a daughter from a previous relationship, but A turned out to be a great step-mommy, too, despite all the baby mama drama (and there was much).  They were planning their wedding and everything was looking great.  Until…

With me being in PA and most of the rest of my family in FL I don’t know what’s going on all the time.  My mom casually mentioned the “trouble” A was having.  I thought it was the baby mama stuff but it was way worse than that.  Her husband to be was accused have having inappropriate relations with a student (he’s a math teacher).  During the investigation he was moved from the classroom to administration work, in a building with no students.  Over the summer though, he was arrested.  Although he’s admitted that this girl was in their home, A believes that “nothing happened” and is standing next to her man.  That is all well and good, but remember, she is an officer of the law.  And besides that, if my husband brought a young girl into my house, that would be it.  That’s not a position you put yourself or your family in, whether anything happened or not!  Of course, his arrest caused a media storm.  It doesn’t help that he used to play football for Notre Dame & had a brief stint with the Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  They were pretty much kicked out of their apartment because of all the media.  I saw a news video online that had a close up of their apartment door…  effectively giving everyone their address, as they had already mentioned the complex it was in.  She’s been told not to have any contact with him or she could lose her job.  Last I heard, she wasn’t listening very well.  

I hurt for her.  I wish she would see common sense though!  This man isn’t doing right by her.  She needs to let this all blow over and settle down before they should try to continue their relationship.  If that's even an option.  It wouldn't be for me, that's for damn sure.
I hurt for me too.  She’s STILL not mentioned any of this to me.  I’ve made huge mistakes in my life; she knows that.  She should know that I wouldn’t be one to judge her for what she thinks is doing the right thing (supporting her man, keeping her family together).  I just hope she comes clean with me soon, because I won’t be able to help confronting her. 

She won’t be reading this… we’ve spoken so few times that I never remembered to mention that I started blogging.  And with all the drama, she deleted her FB page (just before I got back on there).

Even still:
A, I love you.  If you need me, I will always be here for you.  You are my cousin, sister, friend.  I know you have enough people kicking you in the ass right now.  I won’t.  I’m good at just listening.


  1. It's most likely she feels inferior to you. Maybe, she thinks you are the beautiful one, the successful one and so on. Or, maybe you should bring it up to her and just open the door to your heart and your ears. Perhaps that alone will put the two of you back on the path to sharing everything with one another again. PS. She needs to think about her own child where this man is concerned. If he is messing with young girls her child could be in danger!

  2. wow - drama for sure – ‘A’ will have to figure things out on her own - no matter how we think we would do things differently, we just don’t know until we ourselves are in that position. So for now, the best thing you can do is to be secretly supportive as you have been.

    BTW, I stumbled upon here thru Mom Blog society – Thanks – feel free to stop by my blog and follow as well. Have a wonderful day.


  3. I don't know you, I'm here from MBS but I'm glad I read this post. It tells me you are a very sweet, very forgiving person and someone I'd be glad to have as my friend.

    Debbie http://itsallrighttodream.blogspot.com http://dreamingattheendoftherainbow.blogspot.com and http://itsonlymyopionion.blogspot.com

  4. Stopped by from MBC and look forward to following you and reading more of your blog!

    We would love a follow back at

  5. All I can say is WOW! You're doing the right thing letting your cousin know that you'll be there for her when she needs you. As of right now this is all you can offer. Until she makes the decision to dump the man & get on with her life just stay clear.

    Sonya M. Jones

    Tee-iabo Designs

  6. Thank you very much for hopping by my blog site & also for the compliment about my shirts.

    Sonya M. Jones

    Tee-iabo Designs

  7. I wish every blog post would be as real as this one was.. This is a very hard situation to deal with. I'm sure she is confused and hurt.. I would reach out.. even if you believe his not innocent.. like you said she is your cousin and you will always love her

  8. Hello.... thak you for sharing a bit of your life with us. Your cousin simply respects you too much to tell you of her situation. It is not that she feels you will judge her, she is not proud of her choices in life. Maybe you can write her a penned letter telling her how much you do love her. Sometimes that is all one needs to hear and she will eventually tell you and if not.... that is for her to decide~
    She is lucky to have such a caring cousin as you~

  9. I would say right now, maybe the best thing for you to do is write her a letter. Let her know how you feel, and definitely keep in touch. It sounds like she has a ton on her plate, all while taking care of a child. Her first concern is definitely not telling you everything that is going on. Give her time. Write her a letter and wait patiently till she has time to respond. Then you will know what or how to respond from there. Right now you have way to many emotions in the whole thing, and confronting her on how you feel would not be a good idea in my opinion. Letting her know you know bits and pieces of her situation and you are always there to listen is probably the best way to go about it. Just my two sense. Hope all works out for her and her situation and your two's relationship!


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