So, today was supposed to be the first day of school for my Matthew. Due to Hurricane Irene though, the school district thought it would be prudent to close school today, and sent out calls to all the parents telling them so on Friday. At first I was kind of bummed, and also felt sorry for Matt. I also kind of thought that I would get a call either yesterday evening or early this morning saying that the decision had been reversed and that school would be open after all. Nope.
Last night it really hit me. I thought I was ready to send Matty off to *full day* kindergarten. Even though he'd never been in daycare or preschool, our elementary school offered a kindergarten readiness program that he took the bus to 3 days a week for three hours a day during the month of July. He loved it! And I appreciated the time I had with Lucas (and the convenient nap Lucas took during that time when I got TONS of housework done!). After that rehearsal, I knew we would be fine. Matt would happily go to school and I wouldn't blubber at the bus stop. I wouldn't worry and wonder and look at the clock all day on his first day of school. Last night though, I said to myself Oh my God, Matt was supposed to go to school tomorrow! I'm not ready for this! I realized I was *grateful* to the school for closing today. Even now, I keep thinking there's still time, but school WILL start tomorrow. Even though he'll have half days tomorrow and Wednesday, and even though school is out Friday and Monday for Labor Day, he will be out of my care this week longer than he's ever been.
I'm so proud, and so worried. The anxiety just kind of snuck up on me and kicked my feet out. I keep telling myself that he will be fine, that I should embrace this opportunity to spend time with Luke, that there will be plenty to keep me busy. And all of those things are true. I just have to convince myself of that.
In the meantime, I DO have lots to do. I thought I was more prepared, but I still need to organize the kiddy desk in the boys' room into a homework ready surface. I need to sort out which crayons and markers to throw out, which to keep. I need to sort through Matt's clothes and decide what to save for Luke, donate, or toss. I need to inventory Luke's clothes and figure out what he still needs to get him through the fall. All that right there will take me the whole day probably, when you figure in the constant interruptions. And I still need to cut Matt's hair! <-- Evidence of my denial for sure! I would be embarrassed to send him to school with his helmet head hair! I should have taken care of that last week!